Bearded Gang

Current position- three feet away from a fire ring inside of Hunting Island State Park. The ring is housing a quarter of my $10 purchase of fire wood I reckon this morning warmth will run me about $5 until I let it burn itself out.

My sunrise dosage has been swallowed and now my morning is set for journaling and breakfast. Menu for this morning with be a precut NY Strip with a couple of over easy eggs. I’ll always prefer dispersed camping over campgrounds but I’ve always enjoyed this place.

It’s quiet even though it’s probably at 80% occupancy, I’ve nailed a pull in with palms surrounding my site with plenty of privacy except for the condominium of raccoons behind me. The fauna in this area are raccoons, deer and feral cats. Gators? Probable but not right now and I’ve actually never seen one around. I’ve never spent a warm night here.

I see plenty of raccoons. One tried to take my truck keys one night here. I’ve slept with my keys inside my quarters ever since. I’ve actually got a feral kitty crooning at me as we speak. She’s willing to trade a pet for a snack. I don’t have meow mix here kitty my apologies I wasn’t expecting feline company.

My morning started off gruffly. I dropped my morning coffee in the dirt while hiking to my favorite sunrise spot that turned out to be closed to the public. All before 6:45. The explicits could be heard from Columbia. Walked briskly back to my truck and drove to the beach to catch it and we cuddled beachside for a bit along with a chilly breeze and a tide that wanted to eat my feet.

I’m in my zone

I haven’t been here since February 4th of 2025 when a mid dosage of psilocybin changed the interior dialogue in my head for good. Almost like the opposite of a head injury.

A download for a level up. That’s my interpretation anyway.

I had thought of trying to recreate a little of that old romance here. I brought a small dosage just in case but my intuition this morning said “nah”

Fine

I’m wearing a blanket I had bought from a Navajo stand in Arizona as a shawl by my campfire. The wind wants it colder than it actually is outside. The shawl is not authentic. The nice old Navajo dude told me he buys them on Amazon. I’m gonna pretend it’s authentic as I sit here trying to emulate a costume mockup of an old Clint Eastwood western.

You feeling lucky punk? Yeah I know that’s not one of his westerns shut up

I walked the beach last night under the glow of the Hunter’s moon. No headlamp was necessary I could read the horizon like the morning paper. Rip currents zigzagged in sepia tones. Not a soul was on the beach but me. As intended. This island will forever hold a mystical essence in my soul. Esoteric vibes that became blueprints in my brain after last years adventures. Like returning to a gnostic trade class.

I’ve been chasing my consciousness ever since. Always one step ahead of me.

You speedy bitch

I didn’t come here to find answers.

Or to chase that experience again. Not sure if I can walk around awaiting Awakening 2.0 to just download out of nowhere. My head hasn’t been in a psilocybin mood since I spent an evening in looping purgatory during a full blood moon in Glenville. Not for the feint of heart

“Hey I want to kill my ego tonight”

Starry Nights – “bet”

Me – “hey so that was fucked up”

🍄‍🟫- “you asked for it”

I’ll never do mushrooms on a full moon again. Last night was a full moon..

I’m fine. I enjoyed coming across multiple higher dimensional characters and learning about their entire existence in .02 seconds as it pierced my brain and forgetting all of it just as it entered.

What the fuck are you talking about Chad?

Exactly

I know when I’ve had my consciousness’s ass kicked.

Being a god sounds exhausting.

What?

Exactly

Today?

Will be spent swinging in a hammock

Sitting next to a fire

Breakfast tailgate side

Nap

Read and write a little more

Dinner will be a taco truck 3.2 miles from here and brought back to camp with me.

I’m in my zone

Happy Monday (I think)

It’s ramping up already this season. This weekend is sold out or it should be but I’ll squeeze another order in if I need to. I don’t take this for granted in fact every year since I’ve started this I always have in my head “Will this be the year it ends?” – the busy season.

I’m grateful for it.

Every box.

I’ve already gotten the green light from on of my big companies for December.

This year I don’t look at it with dread. It’s a sacrifice of time and energy for two months of the year. It’s my winter harvest of sales and a chance to grab another handful of clients each year. I’ve got a great group of folk I see every year for the past 6 years around this time.

Thanks yall

I shake my head and sort of smile this time of year. My business sales graph would be fun to see. A few years ago on January 1 you’d see a hungover, withered old man, bloodshot eyes with carpel tunnel syndrome and limping.

Carpel symptoms are almost gone

I rarely even wear contacts anymore so the red eyes are gone

No hangovers, no thanks I’ll hit that year 5 smiling soon.

Limping? Maybe, we shall see.

Withered? Not on my watch ever again. Honestly I’m probably in better shape than I’ve ever been in all the important parts. I’m slimmer than I’ve been since high school.

Are we authoring here Chad? Nah i think I’m just mentally building myself up for year 6.

Year 6 of charcuterie. Now that one brings a smile to my face for many reasons.

A friend’s random Instagram story of a charcuterie box in a take out container built this entire 6 year time line of mine.

Me- “I could do that”

“I don’t even need a kitchen”. Which is great because I was broke.

Start up cost $800 for a printer, dorm fridge and a minuscule food inventory. Oh and a case of pizza boxes. I bought a rubber stamp with chadcuterie on Etsy. I still have it. It’s cracked and I have to press both sides on the box to get it to print. Same ink pad too. That’s all that’s left of 6 years ago. Even the guy holding the stamp is a different person.

The start up always flares up this time of year. I hadn’t found chadcutire yet but I was right around the corner. I had a food truck on my mind to keep me going until I opened up my dive bar concept. That’s all I had my focus on. Even when the charcuterie thing popped up my initial thought was “run with it until after Christmas”

That dive bar would’ve killed me. I say this with very little doubt in my mind.

It would seem

Cookies crumbled in my favor

*turns page

I see things through a different perspective these days.

After I’ve put away most of my bitterness (still working on a few knee jerks)

Slowed things down

Matured – man I needed that one. Also still working on it

My thinking patterns have changed for the better

Trajectories are exciting. Quite the fucking roller coaster. They prepare you for what’s next.

And?

I don’t know man. I’m in good hands right now.

That’s all. I’ll catch the next trajectory should it come by and see where we land

It’ll be both feet regardless.

Ir

Regardless

I had an employee at one of the grocery stores I frequent chatting with me a few days ago. I younger guy, very approachable, good smile. I’m recognized for my multiple trips to the store. He knows my vehicle and vocation over small talks at the register (yes I do occasionally chat with people) he always compliments me on my truck set up which will always get you in good favor with me.

“So you make charcuterie all week and then go camping in the mountains?”

Me- “yeah that pretty much sums up my life right now”

Man that’s really cool! You get to make art and then go camping all the time.

I looked at him with a “it ain’t that glorious kid”

It’s not always campfires and charcuterie.

And as I was walking out of the store I smiled

“Maybe it is after all”

Stop fighting with yourself all the time Gangwer

Smart kid. Showing this man a positive perspective

And gratitude.

I’ve said this before. A few times

Charcuterie is not the end game. It was the first pitch

It is/was a progression of humility and growth.

Affirmation? No this comes from the entire experience over the last six years.

A soulful rehabilitation

Never count yourself out

That’s all

I can’t wait for the next trajectory

I fell in love with Bob Dylan all over again while sitting next to an afternoon fire in my favorite gorge. I’m a big Bob Dylan fan and have been since I wanted to start a revolution in my onesies. He’s always resonated with me and before you come on here denouncing his political views and opinions, I don’t care. He’s a lyrical voice that has carried 5 decades.

Sit down

Let the artists hum

I sat by my campfire with my Amazon Prime harmonica and mimicked my best Dylan harpoon solos. They were terrible

But

I don’t care

Dignity be damned

Also but

He hit differently today. I fell in love with a different guy. Oh god Chad what else happened?? 🌈

Shhh

His lyrics resonated completely different from they used to

That’s all

I’m hang gliding on a euphoric feeling y’all. I know I sound like a hippie on a Sedona hike but I am

My lenses change permanently from time to time. Today is one of those. I’m attached to this moment and gonna hang on to it like a toddler with a carnival balloon 🎈

I fought to get up here all week. And I fought not to go back home when I first arrived only because I felt like I was forcing the moment. My first spot was a tad “unpeaceful” so I relocated elsewhere and found the spot for me.

At ease nervous system

10-4 good buddy

Just don’t spill your water for coffee on your last pair of clean socks.

…whoops

The early morning wildlife got quite the verbal show this morning.

I got some of those whippoorwills back.

Aside from the Exxon coffee spill the dude abides

I’m the dude

Man

It’s 42° and if I calculated it correctly I’ll have a small rising of the sun all to my own in an hour.

I sat by the fire and let the sun rest on my forehead (pretty big area) after I lost my harmonic rhythm. In fact most of my day I just sat still. That was my agenda. No hikes, no adventures no books just me and my chair. And camera.

I’m heading straight back into work later this morning. I believe a shower is in order first. I can go about two days up here before my nose starts sending little warnings of BO. Like a smoke detector that needs a battery refresher

*beep

“What’s that you say?”

*BEEP

“Is that fried onions I smell?”

I’m camping alone. Body odor is subjective

When your own odor starts to offend it’s time to grab a bar of soap. There’s a restroom sink at a ingles in Black Mountain that’s going to host my hobo bath.

It’s not that bad yall hyperbole sells tickets for my 33 subscribers

Deli is 3 hours south of here. I’m currently lying on my morning’s choice of wardrobe to warm it up before I change. It’s the little things you learn over the years.

My warmdrobe

It’s too dark to break camp I prefer a little illumination from the sky before I keep my back turned toward anything in bear country. And the yeti that sometimes lurks around my camp.

*audience laughs

*Chad laughs

*his clothes were found neatly folded on a rock 200 yards from where he last camped

I get some wild vibes up here yall. A middle of the night knock on my RTT, something trying open my Moonlander door at 3am, a month ago my campsite reeked of a zoo cage when I went outside to use the bathroom around 3. I stepped back inside quickly.

It’s always at 3am which is wild to me.

Probably bears. I mean really what else could it be? 🫈

Also if Bigfoot exists they’re dimensional beings. They phase in and out. That’s why they be blurry all the time

I kid (he’s actually not)

You do feel things watching you up here.

That’s all

The sky is waking a little but not quite enough.

Long story short

I felt alive this weekend. And by golly I needed it.

This mountain calls me like no other. I feel free up here. This mountain is my dragon. 🐉

“How many years can some people exist

Before they’re allowed to be free”

Slits of moonlight fight the morning light.

Last blast until next time

There’s always a next time

Early morning blankets refusing to relent their comforts

Layered linens of luxurious lukewarmness

55 years worth of bones under their tepid skin.

A well earned coherence

Frozen fingers to defy agility as coffee becomes liquid life

Why all the L’s Chad?

Illuminated beacon attached to my head like headlights.

High beams for the coffee beans

Chuckles

Stifling the stiffs to stretch my soul’s summons

All for the coffee coherence

I must race to the sunrise stage before she appears

Shes always there when you call

She’s always on time

Baby SHE’S mine

Ja Rule coherence

Nothing but the hits

No that doesn’t fit

Sunbursts are my goals this early morning

Glittered glory of God for Gangwer

Oh she’s there watching too

Catch my rays

Just sit and gaze

For days and days.

Then a fire for my next chapter of coherence

Warm my toes

It’s time to go

There are no puppies here I just wanted to be different. Maybe inserting an animal in my titles will get others to read my fine literature.

It’s 33° outside and my camper insulation is doing its job. Which is why I’m inside. It’s still dark as an asshole outside. I made coffee by headlamp while using its steam to warm my fingers and face. I’ve had a pair of gloves in my truck for the last year and they have flown the proverbial coop. I’ve also been missing my favorite pair of blue socks maybe they collaborated their escape. I have backups for socks. For my fingers it will be a suck it up morning. I didn’t come here to talk about my socks. Didn’t come here to talk about anything to be honest. It’s dark, I’m solo camping. I’ll rise when the sun decides to. Wiseman’s view has an amazing overlook for the sunrise. I’m torn between staying in my warm little truck cabin or go watch the sunrise. The sun, I believe, when it rises it heals, regenerates and can reset your body. Watch the little light bursts above the horizon when I rises. It’s like glitter in the sky.

That means putting your phone camera down for a bit. A picture is worth a thousand words but it’s few short from the real deal. Oh yeah I’ve taken hundreds of pics of its morning glory but not during this time. It’s quite magical. Go see for yourself.

My writing encouraged me to go seek it out once again so I’ve updated my location to the graveled lot of Wiseman’s view. Still in my Moonlander, still no puppy. I did have what appears to be a raccoon, nibble on my little propane stove bag. I had left one discarded mini potato on my cook station last night. My KM would’ve had my ass. The little morsel had only been sampled and left alone. Doesn’t say much about my seasoning abilities.

*Local varmint licks mini spud “granulated garlic? Is this Applebees?”

They were rather bland

Also real quick if you ever cook with butane in the cold keep your butane bundled up. It’ll help until it doesn’t. Write that shit down

I can see the distant horizon slowly opening her eyes. This sunrise was worth the washing machine torque it took for my truck to get here. The roads have been beat to shit from all the leaf peepers. It’s entertaining to watch the locals navigate the gravel seas here with their Nissan Rogues. Do they sell skid plates for those? I bottomed out on one turn and I have higher than average clearance for a 4×4. It’s like Appalachian dirt dunes out here right now.

Random jump here, I’ve written about how the Moody Blues got downloaded into my soul while camping in Burlington, Vermont. One random night a playlist played “Tuesday Afternoon” on my headphones and I then melted to a complete playlist. I’ve listened to that song and their music for my entire life. They’ve always been meh to me. Now I’m obsessed. Currently jamming to them in wiseman’s lot. And why not? I’m the only one here.

Cheers to Mondays off.

Cheers to this whole ass vibe to be honest.

Her eyes (horizon) are widening.

I must go see my sunbursts.

Happy Monday.

PS- sunrise paid off. Pic was post sunbursts fyi..

Unless you live under a rock then you know that I like to camp. A lot

I’m actually camping right now. Three miles deep in the Pisgah National Forest perched under some fall tree canopies. My campfire is embers (are embers? The fuck?) and in nestled under about $600 worth of camping bedding (sorry Lily you’re going to Greenville tech). Marshall T Band is crooning “Heard it in a Love Song”🎵 on my, hold please, (looks at Bluetooth connection) Turtle box Ranger 5.0 with Kung fu grip.

I’m at ease. If I were anymore at ease my arm hair would be dreadlocks.

I’m in my element.

It took a minute. I had a 33in board this morning along with 5 hoagie boxes at 11am before I could allow myself the opportunity to go camping. A well done catering that made this trip even more rewarding. I had every intention of taking my brand new Chinese diesel heater along with me. 11 months ago when I ordered my Moonlander which I absolutely love, I hit the online option for a diesel heater port drilled into the side of my camper. I think it was only around $100 for it and I was excited. I love camping in the cold but my bones don’t like at as much so I bought this Moonlander (I’m smitten with it) so I could have some heat. Your boy is soft and doesn’t give two shits about it. I’ve earned my ice wings (don’t try to analyze that).

Anyhoo I bought the heater, put it together and noticed you can’t just plug it into anything. You have to wire it. I peaked electrically when I could hook my coleco vision box with two prongs behind my tv. And used a butter knife.

I can’t electricity. I have two batteries I camp with and can’t believe I haven’t burned my camper down.

A did some googling and tried my hand at wiring. I will not discuss any details but I had to buy two more fuses. I finally have it hooked up to a battery with nipple clamps and it shall stay that way until I get my dignity restored.

It’s still at my deli because we need to get to know each other a little better before I start a forest fire or go tits up from carbon monoxide poisoning. My hobby is supposed to relax me for god sake.

My camper is warm nonetheless. I just wanted to play with my new toy.

Did I mention my camping neighbors pulled up with a queen mattress tied to their vehicle? This made my top ten. This is dispersed camping yall anything goes.

So Chad, who the hell is Ann Kathy?

Funny you should ask.

Ann Kathy is the name of a collapsible, camping toilet I bought on TikTok a month or so ago. It looks like a pleather filing cabinet drawer. You take it out of a zipper bag with Ann Kathy embroidered on it, unfold the box and place a soft little seat. This thing is cheap like $35 but I had an edible and thought it was genius and bought it. I’ve used it multiple times it’s very practical. I won’t go into detail dont worry but it does its job. Very thorough

But

If you’re like two more pounds heavier than me you’re gonna crash. It’s a little shaky. Or maybe it’s just my legs..

A wet cardboard box has more rigidity.

I love how it just folds into a thin square like a little exclamation of “hey no toilet here! Keep moving”

Ann Kathy.. sounds like someone I’d sit next to in a Presbyterian school in the 70’s. Or Elizabeth.

Oh and in the middle of all of this day my backdoor handle on my truck just ripped off. Overlanding must be kicking her ass. That’s where I grab shit out of my fridge. Fuck

I’m not going to go back and proofread this one. Have fun.

Night

Some mornings I wake up with little to think or say. Or it’s not a journally moment I feel stagnant. Not sure as to why, I think somedays the mundanity of humanity drones in my mind.

Blah

Deli has been steady, charcuterie is trending. Whenever I see a post on a big Facebook page group “I need a charcuterie board” I always toss my business out like a fish hook and see what I reel in. I like these posts because it gives me some exposure, chadcuterie will get a dozen new followers and I’ll await an email or message to see if I won today’s board lottery.

It’s one of the times I have to sell tickets. I never knew how many other charcuterie businesses are out there. Every post I see another “Cooter’s Cuteries is to die for!”

“The Cheese and Board is happy to help!“

“Hi! I would highly recommend The Olive Branch Bitcharoo!”

and it’s just a box with carrot nubs, opened pre made charcuterie meats, cubed cheeses and an occasional hotdog sliced into thin pieces.

I’ve seen a cocktail weenies and Swedish fish on a board. These are fun.

I don’t take my charcuterie seriously until I have to.

Charcuterie is preserved meats yall. That’s it. Cheese and other shit pair well with it but that’s what it is.

Meats

“Can you make me a vegetarian charcuterie board?”

Sure! Just let me pull my head out of the oven first.

It’s funny I looked back on my Facebook memories and could read the burnout dripping from my journaling a year ago.

My hormones must run annually.

Am I making fun of my competitors?

Listen

Yes

But, not all of them and in fact if I can’t make a box for someone I’ll refer them to the Southern Grazer. There are some that do great work and others that shouldn’t be doing these for a living but if you can? Hey go for it. Carrot nubs need love too.

Elitist? Im putting meat and cheese on a piece of wood like an interior designer would do a floor plan for your living room.

A feng shui of food on a shaved tree plank.

Meat and cheese jigsaws.

Geometrical food rations of art.

Ok I’m done.

No I’m not an elitist. I support any and every small business I can. Kudos to all entrepreneurs. If I catch you doing these in pizza boxes nearby I’m buying a flamethrower.

“Oh Chad”

Yeah oh Chad my huervos someone has already tried. Thankfully the general public didn’t like triskets and American cheese in their boxes.

Ok I’m done. *exhales, lowers shoulders, sips coffee

I had someone ask for a charcuterie table with bbq.

*shoulders slump more

I’m tired bro. Only fans just isn’t an option for me. Not the meat spread I specialize in.

*drum and symbol tap 🥁

Where was I?

Was I ever wasing somewhere?

I just had a stroke reading that.

I can’t get over how many fucking people do this here now. It’s wild. I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch others do high volume. Just to see if it drains the life out of their system like mine..

That comment wasn’t necessary.

My bad

I drank my second cup of coffee today and exclaimed to myself “NEW SANDWICH MENU COMING SOON”

and then stared into the abyss of my living room corner for half an hour

If I were to calculate my business sales into a fraction of sandwiches and charcuterie it would be 75% coochie and 25% sandwiches. I think when I created this concept that’s how I saw it in my reality and I must’ve fucked myself good because that’s where we are.

Logistics I get it. A board can equal up to 10 sandwiches. Food cost is better.

But

My sandwiches are the unsung heroes. They’re really good and I put some effort into them. I like seeing people enjoy what I make

That’s all

Also, stop asking me if I’m from Philly just because I put hoagies on my menu.

“Are you from Philly?”

Me- “nope I’ve never been”

“Then why do you call them hoagies?”

Me- “because that’s the name of the bread I put the meat on”

“That’s not a hoagie”

Go take your Hellman’s ass elsewhere then

If I relocate I’m taking the name hoagie off my menu.

“Chad’s long and narrow sandwiches” coming to a deli near you.

My shop isn’t even really a deli anymore. I stopped stocking deli food in my display cooler because no one bought anything. Some come by and say “I didn’t know you sold sandwiches even though I’ve got “hoagies” “lunch” and sandwiches” in 10 in bright letters on my windows facing the street. You know, the street that’s been under construction for the last 2 years? I could’ve built St. Peter’s Basilica in less time.

I’m just jawing at myself yall.

It’s therapeutic. The deli does well most of the time. It’s the long lost passion I deal with.

Drive by a half mile car line at the new hotdog place on Wade Hampton and I want to flip my truck in a ditch.

lol that’s just sarcasm yall.. 🤫

My favorite are the asshat online reviewer wannabes that want to trend with their diatribes on hotdog buns. Everyone wants to be an influencer.

Ok that was a personal jab.

I’m done.

For now.

I gotta go make an Oktoberfest spread with liver wurst and pretzels. Wish me luck.

Brevard is one of my favorite towns on this globe. Eclectic downtown, great local food and the Pisgah Tavern (The Hub) is a spot I stop into every time I’m here. Oskar Blues food truck spatulas an awesome burger. I’ve hiked Looking Glass Rock about 3 dozen times, John’s rock a couple and I’m never going to hike the entire Art Loeb trail but it’s here too. Art Loeb sounds like a 50’s game show host.

“And here’s your host for the Hollywood Bean Bag toss it’s Aaaart Loeeeeb”

I’m not hiking all that shit but I hear it’s nice.

Love Brevard, just wish everyone didn’t drive 14 miles under the speed limit.

Davidson Campground is pretty well known for a good camping spot. River runs right beside the camp and it’s spacious. If I’m going to use a campground I’m definitely going to stay here. While I do enjoy the freedom of dispersed camping and Brevard has a handful of them, I don’t enjoy the smell of meth while I try to enjoy my morning coffee. I’m not saying those spots are filled with meth heads all the time just some of the time. It can be sketch.

But

I’ve never heard of any incidents. I’m not judging here folks but I wouldn’t allow my daughter to camp there so that should tell you enough. Theres some spots here and there off the gravel government road if you can find them

It’s 59° and I can’t tell if it’s drizzling or the treetop winds are shaking the last of the hurricane droplets formerly known as Isaias. On occasion a small twig falls on my roof to let me know that I need to stay on my toes with all the loose deadfall playing target practice. We take fallen branches for granted. Most trees don’t wait for you to get out of the way when they’re shedding. It’s one of the reasons I talk and hug the surrounding trees in my camp.

“Hey I’m your friend. Love ya! Don’t crack my head open please”

That’s not exactly correct I actually talk to them in a formal manner. I also let them know my fire will only be made with fallen wood and used to keep me warm and cook my food. I keep my fires small so I don’t needlessly heat the branches above me. The trees appreciate that. They’ve told me so. I sat under one yesterday with my back against it and did nothing for about half an hour.

Highly recommend.

I enjoy making little vlogs out here. Sometimes I’ll put my phone in little nooks and crannies with some new camera angles for some action shots all the while trying not to look like an asshat as I candidly pretend I’m not recording myself. Oh I’m fully aware that I’ve made fun of influencers for years and here I am using their techniques.

Come at me bro I don’t care, I’m not trying to collab with anyone yall I just like making myself look ridiculous on camera. Also now when I watch a movie my mind automatically goes to camera POVs and I’m like “ooh imma try that”

Brought my mountain bike with me. If I’ve been disappointed with any activity I’ve lost interest in it would be cycling. I used to be a cycling maniac. Shaved legs, head to toe coordinated spandex, colorful shirts that expressed cycling mania.

Wore Lance Armstrong underwear along with matching bracelet. Then Lance just became Lance. Yeah I know most of the pro cyclists juice but Lance was the most vehement about not using. Even threatening. Careful the words you use against people doing the same exact thing you did.

That’s all

I just stopped cycling. Maybe it’s the walking now, journaling (like this) is a long morning activity that takes up quite a bit of time if I go on a rant.

I used to cycle about 150 miles a week. I haven’t cycled 150 miles in the last year and a half. One major factor is the online hate cyclists have nowadays. I don’t feel comfortable riding my bike on the road anymore. Cyclists have a bad reputation for being dicks. They get it right most of the time even when I rode in packs I wasn’t a fan of most of the surrounding cyclists. They’re pompous. Not all. Just most.

Anyway I’m riding my bike today..

Gravel ride.

I’ve actually gotten into a fist fight with two guys while riding my bike. That’s a story for another day.

And yes I won.

Never pick a fight with a guy who just broke up with his girlfriend.

Where was I?

Oh yes. I like it up here. I could live here but too many hippies. I’m kidding. Sorta. There’s a direct correlation to the number of bumper stickers on the back window of a car and how slow they drive.

Maybe it’s the weight of the stickers? Maybe it’s because they can no longer see out of the back window?

“Coexist”

I will if you speed the fuck up.

I’m getting better with slowing things down y’all. I promise. The last person to beckon me out of my car for a road rage fight was an old hippie in Flat Rock.

You good Jerry? I’m sorry for riding your bumper I didn’t want you to roll backward while driving .03 mph on a straight open highway. Turn Sugar Magnolia down, the patchouli air freshener is making you angry.

How did this turn into little bites of violence.

Sorry this isn’t my regular coffee brand. In the 70s this would cause fights. Not the breakdancing kind that was the 80s

70’s- Kung fu

80’s- Breakdancing

90’s- Mosh pits

Current? We just get on social media and talk shit murkily. Like bathroom wall graffiti linked consciousness.

I’m gonna ride my bike up a gravelly hill. For some reason I’m also craving a bo biscuit which I haven’t had in years.

12:30 a got Buck the sailor man making some art on my quad. It’s just a tattoo y’all.

Tis a good day in the making. A good day indeed.

A part of me was put away for good yesterday. Another part was released.

Those two combined brought me something in return. Something I’m meant to deal with and absorb. I can already feel its presence. This is how life gives and takes.

A reckoning of grief brings a new perspective. What you do with it will be how you carry it for the rest of your life.

I witnessed a life of love, happiness and devotion.

*stamps it hard

I’ve been ok for the last two weeks. At 6:30 last night after my post about my sister’s funeral the faucets opened. It finally released.

Dinner had just arrived. I ate it cold.

I spent the evening with my little party of three (including me) on the sofa in our little living room. We have one big sectional that we will all three lounge on in our most comfortable of clothes. Oftentimes our two cats will take a corner or the little one will sit under the blanket with Lily. It has a very odd attachment to my kid.

Who can blame it?

When we are all on the sofa I can physically feel the energy of love in the room.

The comfort

Warmth

Closeness

I cannot imagine a life that’s not this. And never do I want to

That’s all.

Let’s coast for a moment..

Take me back to the night we met – Lord Huron is on my headphones. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

Hey that fucking storm was fun wasn’t it?

Unbothered by nature < grief

You get really sleepy when dealing with grief. It’s weird.

Man if the sun shows its face today or if the storm at least takes a break I’m gonna tailgate in the mountains.

I’m not running from my grief I’m celebrating life.

Don’t think the river seat plopping will be available today let’s not end up in the gulf here Gangwer.

Just need some quiet time on my tailgate to ponder. Because this has been a week to ponder.

Humor moment, my sister was cremated and placed into an urn. She and her husband have a plot side by side in a beautiful little garden. My sister was always a planner. The ceremony after the funeral was to witness her placement into the hollowed cemented breach in the ground. Urn goes into the hole and a plaque is placed over it and screwed into the display.

It’s raining sideways. We are all grieving but at the same time we are getting pelted with spray like Forrest Gump in the Vietnam rivers. The individual the funeral home had available to screw the plaque in the ground had some shaky hands. Really bad shaky hands.

As we stood solemnly with our umbrellas blowing sideways, faces filled with grief, tears and red cheeks from the sheer water pressure of the rain, the man struggling to hold the screws between his fingers and to add to it all he had a screwdriver the size of a action figure’s finger. I turned to my wife with my glasses covered in rain and smiled. She knew I was finding the humor in all its ridiculousness at that moment.

I almost reached down to steady his hand. It looked like something out of a Farrelly brothers movie. A power drill would’ve ruined the moment I suppose.

Humor is my pressure valve yall.

Yeah I think I’m gonna tailgate.

Later gators

My phone autocorrected to Thoth’s instead of Thoughts for moment and I chuckled. Well good morning Thoth how are you today? Two years ago I would’ve thought that name was the planet on Empire Strikes Back.

Completely lost my train of thought now.

Seriously just went brain dead

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_________________

Saw a random video on TikTok last night about Maine and fought with myself over driving back up there before the first winter storm hit up there. Really want to finish the golden road. I could squeeze a five day trip. Lotta driving. Lot of energy spent.

*sighs

I’m not going to say I’ve ruined myself from nonstop camping quests

But

Watch me pull my arm hairs out if I’m at home for too long.

Our last home has a nice screened in porch in the back the cats would go out there all day. You’d have to drag them back inside by evening time. Our new abode doesn’t have that option and the cats don’t understand. They keep asking to go out to their spot and it breaks my heart. Catio? Yeah maybe.

My point was I get it kitties. Once you know what freedom is like, confinement is painful.

I’m catering my sister’s funeral this morning. I also managed to find a suitable suit that I can piece together in my closet. I won’t be on a GQ mag but it’ll do. I won’t look wrinkly for my sister’s farewell. It’s important to me.

I’ll see some faces I haven’t seen in a while. Funeral small talk is painful I won’t be around long for it.

Man I really lost my subject line this morning. Usually once I start writing it comes back. Today not so much

Maybe I’m not required to write today. I get that

I need to though. My mind needs to stretch outward not inward today.

My music is not pairing with my mood either. Hold please. Pearl Jam ain’t working

Shaking the eight ball in my head 🎱

I’ve got a tattoo appointment Monday to get my leg colored in. I found a framed print on Facebook marketplace I thought was chic. It’s a cowboy riding a horse into the desert with a ufo floating above them and I had it redone in a tattoo form. Sent it to my tattoo guy I haven’t seen in 5 years and here we are.

“Where did you get that idea did a tattoo?” – Facebook marketplace.

I lost interest in tattoos for a while it would seem that when I left the restaurant industry my taste in tattoos went away. Or it was the alcohol but that doesn’t fit. One day recently my mind said “a leg sleeve would be nice”

So here we are. And we gotta a long way to go. I’m on number two of I have no clue how many it will take

Got new glasses too. They’re that clear look everyone is into now. My prescription safety goggles 🥽

I dig em

Anyone remember the Sugar Smacks cereal commercial. Just a damned ole cartoon frog slapping fives with kids.

Dig ’em, smack ’em, sugar smacks, give me a smack and I’ll smack you back” 🐸 🧢 🤚🏼

An animated anthropomorphic with a baseball cap sponsoring childhood diabetes.

“I dig em!”

Cereal had personality in 70s and 80s. My head is filled with dozens on commercial tunes about breakfast.

“Honeycombs big yeah yeah yeah! It’s not small! No no no!”…

I had not intended in writing any of this.

I pick one morning out of the week where I don’t do any of my morning rituals. No meditation, stretching, workout or walks. Nothing done with any spiritual intention. Even these things need a day off. Today is one of these days.

Also

That was the initial subject of my post this morning. So I found it but now I don’t want to pursue it.

Are yall asleep yet?

Even I’m getting drowsy reading this.

I think this is a good stopping point. Better luck tomorrow.